I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize