All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
