Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
