You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
