Sponge bath it is.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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