I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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