last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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