So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
