New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
