You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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