Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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