i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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