My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
