Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize