I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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