I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
