sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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