dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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