just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
