what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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