ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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