Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude i'm inner monologue high
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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