Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
