there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
