yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
