I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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