Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
