So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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