She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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