We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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