so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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