Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
