you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She bit a glass in half.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
