I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize