Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
