I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize