nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
