I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
