can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
