Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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