Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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