It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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