I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
