This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
