How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I AM VODKA MAN
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize