I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
