My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
