I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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