he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
