I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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