I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
