Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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