I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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