It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
