Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
There are leaves in my underwear?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
