my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
