My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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