just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
