I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
