Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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