her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
