There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
