I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
