I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
