I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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