Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
