I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
