when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
