I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize