Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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